I wonder sometimes, is it that I don't think I'm good enough, or is it that I think I am?
Reflecting on the mistakes I've made in life, I'm amazed I've made it as far as I have. The fact of the matter is, if everyone really knew everything about me, I probably wouldn't have made it as far as I have. As much as we feel somewhat relieved by fully disclosing truth to those around us, it usually feels far safer to withhold at least some information. You know, the stuff people couldn't fully handle. But that's it, isn't it? People haven't, can't, or won't fully handle it. My stomach turns a bit, and with eyes downcast, I recognize I'm just not quite good enough.
While I certainly admit I haven't been perfect, there's definitely a lot I've done in my life that I'm proud of. I look at my accomplishments, my family, and my profession, and I can't help but have a smile slowly form in gratitude. After all, I was a superb runner, with hard work resulting in successes that are still reflected in record books. With two beautiful daughters and a loving wife, I'm a father and a husband, and I'm enormously blessed. I've dedicated my working life as a teacher and an administrator to making a positive difference in the lives of young people. In some ways, really, I am more than enough.
Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). He made clear to us, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:24). And He brought it home with, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).
There's a reason I struggle with believing at times I'm not good enough, and at other times believing I am. It's because both are true. Crazy. Spectacular. "For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).
Life is about love ...
Life is about trust ...
Life is about letting go ...
I'd be a liar if I did not say
sometimes I wish that there were more than one way
I'd be a liar if I hadn't said
I wish the glory meant for You was for me instead
~ Steele Croswhite
Truth!
ReplyDeleteI am enough because I Am is enough.
My biggest struggle is getting that paradoxical truth rooted deeply in my heart.
Cycling between belief and non-belief (in yourself, in others and in your own faith): this is what defines us as caring, empathic and thoughtful human beings.
ReplyDeleteWhat strikes me, Tom, perhaps more than anything else, is one's ability to be self-critical, to turn the lens on oneself, and to be able to come out of it with a greater appreciation of who you are - not by looking at what you have accomplished (the record book data) but rather in what you have 'created' for the greater glory of all those around you and where you fit within this grandeur (your Out of Africa clip brings this home for me).
In the end, I think your quotes are extremely purposeful: divine in intentions and human in action, ours is a struggle similar to His.
Thanks for sharing this