LETTING GO

I wonder sometimes, is it that I don't think I'm good enough, or is it that I think I am?

Reflecting on the mistakes I've made in life, I'm amazed I've made it as far as I have. The fact of the matter is, if everyone really knew everything about me, I probably wouldn't have made it as far as I have. As much as we feel somewhat relieved by fully disclosing truth to those around us, it usually feels far safer to withhold at least some information. You know, the stuff people couldn't fully handle. But that's it, isn't it? People haven't, can't, or won't fully handle it. My stomach turns a bit, and with eyes downcast, I recognize I'm just not quite good enough.

While I certainly admit I haven't been perfect, there's definitely a lot I've done in my life that I'm proud of. I look at my accomplishments, my family, and my profession, and I can't help but have a smile slowly form in gratitude. After all, I was a superb runner, with hard work resulting in successes that are still reflected in record books. With two beautiful daughters and a loving wife, I'm a father and a husband, and I'm enormously blessed. I've dedicated my working life as a teacher and an administrator to making a positive difference in the lives of young people. In some ways, really, I am more than enough.

Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). He made clear to us, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:24). And He brought it home with, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6).

There's a reason I struggle with believing at times I'm not good enough, and at other times believing I am. It's because both are true. Crazy. Spectacular. "For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).

Life is about love ...

Life is about trust ...

Life is about letting go ...

I'd be a liar if I did not say

sometimes I wish that there were more than one way

I'd be a liar if I hadn't said

I wish the glory meant for You was for me instead

~ Steele Croswhite

MY TESTIMONY

My story is a great story, but not because of anything to do with me. I was baptized, communed, and confirmed in the Catholic faith. Thankfully, my parents introduced me to God, but I certainly didn’t have any relationship with Him. Successful academically and athletically, I floated through school and life. Full of myself, I lived for myself. This led to poor decisions in my youth related to alcohol, drugs, sex, and relationships. Eventually I became consumed in work to at least give an appearance of being devoted to something other than myself. When I was 33, my search for what I needed came to an end when I realized what I needed was always there. With some skepticism and anxiety, but also with an acceptance of the fact that I was completely lost, I followed my parents’ example and connected with God again. This time it was with a realization that He died for me and that I need to live for Him. I couldn’t believe the joy that came with recognizing my faults, accepting God’s grace, and turning my priorities to loving and serving God, my wife, my daughters, and others. Life isn’t easy, and it isn’t meant to be; however, I clearly know the path I am on, even when I stray from it. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I look forward to spending eternity with Him. My story is a great story, but only because He made it so. Praise The Lord!

God is a river, not just a stone

God is a wild, raging rapids

And a slow, meandering flow

God is a deep and narrow passage

And a peaceful, sandy shoal

God is the river, swimmer

So let go

~ Peter Mayer