NEUTRAL

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. ~ 1 Corinthians 8:1

Sometimes I can't even muster up the energy to pray on my way to work. It's my little ritual, helping me establish direction for the day. My moment of clarity, if you will. Still, sometimes all I can do is flip on the radio station and listen to K-LOVE or WAY-FM, hoping to find some encouragement or perhaps an explanation of how I connected with God today. I'm not even sure who I think I need to explain this to, if not myself.

The need to feel as though I am in relationship with Jesus Christ isn't born out of guilt, though. I have plenty of history with understanding what my life is like when I'm not leaning on The Lord. Indeed, my connection is recognized as essential to me as breathing. Breathing, however, I can do without any effort at all. I'm not consciously reaching into some reservoir for the energy required to just take in air - You know, it's even like eating and drinking - I just do it (and typically excessively at that).

So, I beg my soul for the desire to shift out of neutral. I turn to Him like I always do when I really want to get something accomplished, when I know I need something accomplished. And, He delivers, as always. Dylan Thomas wrote, "The force that drives the water through the rocks drives my red blood," and I know what that Force is. That Force intimately knows me. I depend on that Force to feed me clarity that I can gain through no effort of my own. And, when I least expect it, the necessity of the moment hits me.

This is my command: Love each other. ~ John 15:17

Does it get any easier than this? Can it be made any more clear to us? Must we endlessly seek out ways to exclude ourselves from this commandment, or exclude others from benefiting from this commandment? Certainly everyone reads that and gets it, right? What kind of interpretation is needed here? Why do we have to go and mess this up with our self-righteous comments like, "God helps those who help themselves."? I mean, what else goes so far against Biblical Truth than a statement like that? And my enlightenment reminds me of the pervasiveness of my pride, and how it consistently overwhelms even the hint of humility.

And on I go, looking for answers, and resting in the certainty of His grace and love.

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. ~ Romans 10:2

Allow me to apologize. I wish I could demonstrate grace more consistently with all - Please believe me when I tell you that I truly, honestly, and consistently try - I really do. While He sets the perfect example, my attempts to follow that example frequently fall short. I'll keep trying, and with His love and strength, I know that it is possible to forever grow. It is with this humble confession that I must tell you where my heart is presently struggling. For that matter, it's where it's been struggling, for quite some time now.

As an evangelical Christian, I'm quite used to feeling the sorrow and even the wrath of those who view life differently. I am more than O.K. with this, and I don't remotely feel persecuted because of this. In fact, I feel quite fortunate to not face the challenges those who live elsewhere must survive while claiming to follow Christ. I get to profess my faith openly, and for that I am very grateful. Indeed, I feel blessed to even have the opportunities to struggle in conversation with those who believe differently than I do, for it gives me an opportunity to learn, and to share, and to love. And that, my friends, is where I'm struggling.

I desire to live a life that is different. I believe I'm actually called to do that, but I truly do desire that. The pain and the sorrow I am experiencing in my attempts to do that fall intensely short of the pain and sorrow others are experiencing because of the attempts by my brothers and sisters to do the same. Dear fellow Christians, many of you are missing the mark so drastically, I truly feel compelled to call you out. With this I risk demonstrating that I think I know best, or that I am misguided, or that I need to be called out. However, it worries me not if it will possibly mean more love for all.

Now, I've read my Bible from cover to cover, and I've done so on more than one occasion. I will not profess to know more about God's word than others, but I will also not pretend to not have a pretty good handle on His love story for all of us. There was a phrase that became enormously popular for a while when I was younger, and that was, WWJD: "What Would Jesus Do?" I firmly believe that Christians share the intent of this message to truly know, comprehend, and live out life as Jesus has shown us. He is the ultimate example, and I truly believe we all think that. I also truly believe we all know what He did for us. I also truly believe we all want to walk with Him forever. So, with that, I implore you: Stop doing it wrong.

Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. ~ Romans 10:3

Stop pretending that love doesn't win. Stop acting like there are conditions around serving others. Stop making excuses for not doing absolutely everything in your power to help others. Stop desecrating the grace shown to all of us for all of our sins. Stop using scripture to punish others. Stop using the poor example of communication by some as an excuse for yours. Stop saying to people - through your words and/or your actions - that "I love you, but ..." It isn't "but" anything. It just is. So with that, I implore you: Start doing it right.

Start reaching out to everyone with open arms, an open mind, and an open heart. Start showing others that even though you are a sinner - and you are, we all are - you are dearly loved. Start making people say, "Wow, that person loves everyone." Start helping others realize that they are valued for exactly who they are, and they are loved for exactly who they are, and they are forgiven for exactly who they are, and they are redeemed for exactly who they are. Start recognizing that perception is reality, and we are called to love God, love others, and spread the good news.

Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes. ~ Romans 10:4   

PUNISHED

People sometimes ask me, "What's wrong?" Usually, I honestly don't actually know specifically what's wrong, but instead of getting into that hot mess, I just tell them, "Nothing." They don't buy that, and they shouldn't. Of course something's wrong. As much as I try to fight against it, and as much as I don't want it to be true, and as much as I know it doesn't really matter just as much as it really matters, of course something's wrong.

I feel punished. Punished for what I've done and have failed to do. Punished for what I'm doing and fail to do. Punished for what I have yet to do and will fail to do. Woe is me.

Naughty as I am, that which has come my way has been richly deserved. I measure His plans for me by the amount of time I feel shamed. And there's something reassuring about the pain, even as it courses through me like some incurable disease. The more I am broken, the more He will work to put me together again. But it just doesn't feel like that. No. It feels like I am punished, and I always will be.

I know how my daughters, and the students I serve, feel when I punish them. Using the word makes me feel uncomfortable, but let's be honest, parents punish their children, and educators punish students. We punish one another. You can use whatever words make you feel more comfortable, but when it comes down to it, it's still punishment. Sorry, I don't know where I was headed there. Anyway, they may not believe I know how they feel, but I do. Sure as all get out I do. As certain as I am about understanding those feelings, I also know something else: When we are truly listened to, and when we truly listen, then we are learning. Punishment, then, isn't the beginning or the ending of the story.

Love, however, is.

TEN STEPS

"It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps ... " ~ 2 Kings 20:10

We give ourselves too much credit. I suppose it's because we don't fully comprehend how active God is in our lives, and I assume it's because we want control over things that we do not and cannot. My recent experience, even though I know now I'll die another day, gave me an opportunity to wonder.

That voice that told me what to do, that voice that tells us what to do - you know, that "gut feeling" we get? So often we think it's our common sense drowning out our stupidity. I guess, in a way, it is. However, I know it's more than that. In a very real way, it's God speaking to us, and in very real ways, we need to learn from this. My humanity often gets in the way of me doing the right thing, but there's a reason I sometimes elect to do the right thing. It's not because I suddenly got smarter, or because I happened to no longer wish to take the easy way out. No, that's giving ourselves too much credit. Our inflated egos go a long way toward continuing to inflate our egos. A little humility might help us recognize we're just a bit smaller in the big picture. 

Can we learn from our mistakes? Most definitely we can. But, let's just remember that since they are our mistakes, then it's not from ourselves that we are learning. We are, in fact, listening and responding. Because God, in fact, is speaking and acting.

*****

Hezekiah had asked Isaiah, "What will be the sign that the Lord will heal me and that I will go up to the temple of the Lord on the third day from now?"

Isaiah answered, "This is the Lord's sign to you that the Lord will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?"

"It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps," said Hezekiah. "Rather, have it go back ten steps."

Then the prophet Isaiah called upon the Lord, and the Lord made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.

~ 2 Kings 20:8-11

CONSUMING

For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. ~ Deuteronomy 4:24

As I write this, Colorado burns. I struggle to comprehend the destruction that has already occurred. So many acres, so many homes, so many fires. The lives impacted are many, and those fighting to halt this raging force face what seems insurmountable. Yet, I know this too will pass.

For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you. ~ Deuteronomy 4:31

The presence and smell of smoke is evident, especially in the morning hours. I feel so fortunate I have avoided the fate so many others have not. Grateful that while all have not escaped unharmed or even alive, there's solace in knowing that refreshment is in sight.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. ~ Isaiah 35:6

I hope for encouragement, for peace, for washing, for renewal.

THE CHRISTIAN AFFLICTION

Have you ever noticed how many people, including - maybe even especially - Christians, deal with such a massive amount of issues in their lives? It seems like it’s always something. If it’s not a tragedy that shakes someone to the core, then it’s some health issue that can’t quite be resolved, or at the very least it’s a seemingly ever present challenge that slowly tears away at us. It takes a while at times to share specifically how we feel blessed, but it only takes a second to rattle off what we’re struggling with. Makes me wonder how any of us navigate this life at all.

Are we really in such dire straits? Do we desire to live life like it’s a soap opera? Is it the attention of others we crave? Or, is it something else?

If this life is a breeze for you, then let’s be honest, you aren’t doing much other than serving yourself. I’m not wishing ill will upon anyone; however, if you aren’t tripping up now and again, then you likely aren’t really engaging in any meaningful way with anything or anyone. Aside from the reality that life here isn’t easy, there’s something more about this deep pit of despair we tend to fall into, wade through, and climb out of repeatedly and consistently.

It is our frailty, not our strength, that leads to hope. The breaking feels bad, but the healing is the reminder that we can’t do it alone, that we don’t need to do it alone. Our scars are the evidence that we are, in fact, human and broken and loved. Down so low we think we’ll never recover, we’re swept up and embraced with a fury of certainty that cannot be denied. I don’t like being busted, but I do like being patched up, cared for, loved, and sent on my way again … and I know I’m not alone.

Sometimes I want to tell people to stop their whining. Sometimes I want people to tell me the same. Mostly, though, I think people just want to know they’re going to be O.K. I know I do. And, thankfully, I know - we know - just the right One for the job.

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

Most of all, I want to be inspired.

Leadership is fragility in action. So easily we will sit back and desire someone else to take the reins and blaze the trail for us. We are followers at heart, and even if we don't always ache for a leader, we most certainly are willing to take the back seat when the going gets tough. But, that's the tricky thing, yes? Most of the time we're certain we can do just fine on our own. We've got our own idea about where to go and what to do and when to do it, and if someone else is getting in the way of that ... well. And then, the going gets tough.

Submission is viewed as weak rather than wise. It's the acknowledgement that we don't actually have it all figured out, and it's the acceptance that not only might we not be willing or be desiring a leader; but, rather, we honestly need a leader. We don't like that design, especially because we didn't actually design it to begin with. Allowing ourselves to be led requires humility and honesty and trust, and let's face it, these are qualities our flesh fights against at every turn.

Somewhere along the way, quite frankly at the very beginning, we distorted the necessity of leadership and molded it into something that meant going where we wanted, taking what we wanted, and doing what we wanted, whenever we wanted. We turned it into listening only when it felt convenient, or when it suited our personal needs. We shrank it down to something smaller than us, because we want to be bigger than everything and everyone. In fact, most of the time, we think we are. Until, of course, the going gets tough. And then, we hope for and look for something, someone, bigger than us.

We look for leadership. We need leadership. For direction, for guidance, for solutions, for answers.

For inspiration.